


every way you look at it

by thepriexperience



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Coma, Hurt Finn, M/M, Mind Rape, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, and i am so in love with him being in love, devoted poe, poe is so in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-17 21:57:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5886853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepriexperience/pseuds/thepriexperience
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Buddy,” he says. “Buddy, you gotta wake up. Cuz, I have some things I need to tell you.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	every way you look at it

No one is coming for him.

  
Poe knows this, knew going into this mission that he was on his own if he got caught. And here he is, caught like a rat in a cage, strapped down and bleeding, aching but not breaking. They can cut into him, they can hurt him, they can make him bite his lip to keep from screaming.

 

But, they can't make him talk, can't make him betray the Rebellion or General Organa.

  
Kylo Ren walks in, dark mask and lack of humanity in place, with power and hate coming off him in waves, and Poe is afraid.

  
Poe still does not talk, but he screams.

  
It hurts,  _ fuck fuck fuck, it  _ **_hurts._ ** It's not the pain that makes Poe end his silence, not really. It's the horror, the invasion, the force in his head that is not him, something unfamiliar and mocking, rifling through his memories. He's being violated, and he can't stop it, no matter how hard he pushes back against that presence inside him. It overturns his defenses, and Poe fights, he fights through the pain, tries to misdirect the sickness invading him, screams until he's hoarse, and still, still he fights.

  
It's a losing battle, and eventually, he's alone in his head again, body trembling and sick to his stomach, feels gaping and vulnerable and open and  _ used. _

  
No one is coming for Poe. And that's fine, so long as Kylo Ren doesn't come back for him either.

 

When the trooper says he's to be brought to the Sith again, Poe bites the inside of his cheek to keep the cry of terror trapped in his throat. He's ready to die, willing to, even, because that's what he signed on for when he took this mission. But, what Kylo Ren will do to him, what the Sith has already done-

  
"Turn here." And then, "Listen carefully." 

 

Poe sees a storm trooper's face for the first time, and it's the face of his savior. Sweat beading on the man's upper lip, eyes blown wide with urgency, and a thread of need in his voice. Poe wants to laugh from the pure relief he feels seeping through his aching body. 

 

The trooper puts his helmet back on, and somewhere in the back of Poe's mind, in the small corner of him that isn't focused on getting  _ the fuck off this ship _ , he thinks that it's a shame the trooper's face is hidden. 

 

* 

 

Things were too hectic, too rushed and frantic at first for Poe to have time to think. The feelings that rose in his chest at the sight of Finn ( _ alive, whole, wearing his jacket) _ weren't completely foreign, but it’d been a long, long time since Poe felt them, and there’s a war going on. Rey needed to be rescued, an entire planet needed to be destroyed. And Poe figured that they’d have time afterwards, time to just spend together, get to know one another.

 

Well, he wasn't completely wrong. He’s got plenty of time, and in some ways, he is getting to know Finn. 

 

Finn’s knuckles tell him he’s been in his fair share of fights, even though he’s young. There are scars on the backs of his hands, light and soft, and Poe wonders what they’re from, wonders if Finn remembers getting them. He memorizes exactly how deep his friend breathes, how his callouses feel against Poe’s own, the way the wide palm fits between Poe’s hands. Finn lays so still, and Poe would know if his friend moved the slightest bit to either side.

 

One night, with the monitors beeping softly, Poe speaks, even though his voice cracks.

 

“Buddy,” he says. “Buddy, you gotta wake up. Cuz, I have some things I need to tell you.”

 

He leans over and kisses Finn’s forehead, lips lingering against the cool skin. His chest feels too tight, and his eyes are tired from lack of sleep, prickling with unshed tears, and he sits back in his chair, brings Finn’s knuckles to his mouth. 

 

“But take your time,” says Poe. “I'm not going anywhere, Finn.”

 

*

 

_ How can you love someone you only just met?  _ Poe wonders, still sitting next to Finn’s bed. 

 

He's thinking back, to the moment he met Finn. He dreams about that a lot- Sometimes, he wakes up before Finn arrives, wakes up choking or screaming. But, he's had the dream enough times that he can usually force himself to last through the horror of Kylo Ren’s violation of his mind and wait for Finn. Wait to escape, to laugh with him for the first time, riding high on adrenaline and the pure joy of freedom.

 

When Poe is lucky, he wakes up before they crash. 

 

And he wonders,  _ Did I love you then? _

 

*

 

Poe runs out of time to just sit and wait. The war is still going on, and he has a mission. He stops to say goodbye to Finn, looking down at his friend who has not so much as flinched in a month.

 

“I hate to leave you, good buddy,” he says. “But, I’ll be back, I promise.”

 

Out in the black, just the stars and BB-8 for company, Poe misses Finn’s silence.

 

*

 

He’s gone for six weeks, and when he gets back, Finn is still asleep, and Poe settles in next to him, in the usual chair, and reaches out to take Finn’s hand.

 

“Hey there, Finn. Did you miss me?”

 

His eyes drop closed, and he is so, so tired.

 

And then, Finn’s finger twitches, and Poe’s eyes open immediately. He jerks up, leans in close to Finn, squeezes his hand.

 

“Finn?”

 

Another twitch, and then Finn’s eyelids flutter, and then he moans, and then-

 

“Please, please, make it stop, it hurts-”

 

“Fuck- Finn- Hey! Can we get some help over here?!” He looks back down, and Finn’s eyes are wide, wide with fear and pain, and Poe says, “Hey, hey, I'm here. You're okay, you're okay.”

 

“Poe.” It's strangled and sharp. “Poe, it  _ hurts _ .”

 

“I know, I know. I'm sorry.”

 

The medic droid tries to push him out of the way, but Finn’s grip is surprisingly strong, and he cries out when Poe shifts to let the droid pass.

 

“Don't leave me,” begs Finn.

 

“I won't,” Poe promises.

 

*

 

Comas aren't as restful as they appear, and less than an hour after he first wakes up, Finn falls back asleep. Poe follows him into dreams just minutes later.

 

He sleeps heavy and hard for the first time in months, and when he wakes, Finn is waiting for him, dark eyes watching. Poe smiles, squeezes his hand. 

 

“Hey, buddy.”

 

“Hey,” says Finn, who tries to smile back, but he’s hurting, that much is obvious, and Poe leans forward, looks down at their hands.

 

Finn could have pulled his hand away when he woke and Poe still slept. But he didn't.

 

Poe thinks he should say something. They've got a lot of catching up to do, after all, but everything he’s been wanting to tell Finn sort of fades away momentarily and instead, he just lifts Finn’s hand up to his lips, kisses the knuckles, watching his friend’s face as he does. 

 

“Okay, Finn?”

 

“Yeah. Okay.”

 

Poe trusts in their silence.

 

*

 

He never does figure it out, the moment when he started loving Finn. Poe decides it doesn't matter. He loves him now, with everything; with every heartbeat and breath, he loves him.

 

Finn is released from medbay, still in bed rest, and it's Poe’s bed he rests in. Walking is hard for him, and he clings tight to Poe when he does, knuckles stretched tight over the cane’s handle, fisting the back of Poe’s shirt. Together, they navigate Finn’s physical therapy, and Poe is encouraging, desperately excited for every tiny bit of progress Finn makes.

 

At night, they lay together, position depending on Finn’s comfort. Finn has this way of sinking completely into Poe’s embrace that makes Poe’s heart feel tight in his chest, and Poe thinks he has never felt this full of emotion for another person.

 

Poe is curled around Finn, his chest pressed against Finn’s back, an arm supporting Finn’s neck, the other around his waist, hand over Finn’s heart. Their legs are tucked in together, and Poe breathes in the soft scent of the nape of Finn’s neck.

 

He whispers, for the first time, “I love you.”

 

Finn exhales heavily, tenses and breathes in deep. 

 

“I don't know what love means,” Finn says slowly, and Poe’s heart pounds in his chest. “But, I know that when I thought you were dead, it hurt. Bad. Worse than anything, and I felt so… Lost. Even though I had just met you- I felt lost without you there. And I know that when I saw you again, I had never felt happy before that moment, never felt better than when you wrapped your arms around me for the first time.” 

 

Finn swallows. “I know- I know that when I woke up, and you were there, and everything hurt, and… I knew it would be okay. Because you were there. And I know that this… When we’re like this… It feels like home. What home is supposed to feel like, I think. It feels like I'm supposed to be here, like this is right and I never want you to let me go.” He pauses. “Is that love, Poe?”

 

Poe turns his head, buries his face in Finn’s neck, and his voice is thick as he tells Finn, 

 

“Every way you look at it, buddy.”


End file.
